This Isn't Just For School

So, I have finally figured out a way to keep up with this blog - make it a school project! It's genius.

In the fall, I intend to do my AHS (Arts and Humanities) Capstone on "feminist engineering". What is that, you ask? Haha! That is what my project will be about. I've taken a couple philosophy classes (spanning Western and Eastern disciplines) so I'm going to be building on that background with a women's studies angle.

My provisional thesis is:
Feminists are often concerned with women’s experiences and the effect of society in constraining and shaping those experiences. Therefore, with so much discussion surrounding the representation of women in engineering, it seems appropriate to bring a feminist lens to this arena.

Personal identity plays a huge role in how individuals interact with society and communities. In this context, what does it mean to balance identities as a feminist and as an engineer? How is that manifested in everyday life? If we approach this from a philosophical point of view, is it possible to do feminist engineering? What is it? Where might it come from?

By overlaying these seemingly disparate identities, we can begin to approach the issue of what it means to belong in engineering and how engineering might change as more and more women enter the field.

In any case, starting in the fall, I will be requiring myself to write one entry per week. Until then, my posts will probably be a little bit less focused and span book reviews to current events to stuff in my twitter feed to the power industry to boats to random things that occur to me.

Anyway, first dilemma: should my blog be anonymous? I can't decide. If I do go anonymous, I'll start a new one - otherwise, I'll keep using this one. I can imagine myself posting things and people getting mad at me for associating Olin with my rants. On the other hand, I hate secrets.

Goal

I really want to write something about gender and engineering which can be published. A couple opportunities that Z has thrown my way:

a publishing contact that is interested in female experiences of engineering education

The Art of Gender in Everyday Life V: A Multidisciplinary Conference
(website)

AAAS (American Association for the Advancement of Science) Student Poster Competition

I'm currently doing research with Z on how project-based learning affects the motivation and retention of first-year engineering students (particularly women). So some of this relates more to that.

Now what to write about?

Feminist Engineering

I think "feminist engineering" is a funny phrase. I imagine machines generating feminists, housewives engineering their children to be feminists, engineering students designing with women in mind as a potential end-user, an engineering philosophy that acknowledges and subverts the effect of patriarchal society on design - both what is designed and how.

As a funny side note, other people have come up with their own ideas. David Durlach, founder of Technofrolics, defines a feminist engineer as someone who is inspired to create affectionate technology. In other words, a feminist engineer designs products with emotional value. I think it's an interesting idea, a bit heavy-handed as far as relying on stereotypes, but interesting. I kind of want to work for them.

This whole discussion is part of why I got involved in SWE in the first place. I want to talk about what it means to do feminist engineering and be a feminist engineer. I want to encourage more women and minorities to get engineering degrees. I want to be surrounded by people who feel similarly. I mean honestly, SWE is the closest thing we have to a women's group on campus (I'm not going to count Girls' Bible Study - first off, it's for girls). I really want SWE to mean more to me than planning stupid study breaks. I'm really starting to hate study breaks. That's part of why I decided to RSVP "yes" to the SWE Collegiate Leadership Forum - I'm hoping it will help me get a new perspective on the organization.

That Healthy Lifestyle I Was Talking About

I'm not sure what I want this blog to be. Or more accurately, I'm not sure what this blog will be.

In a way, it's become one of those things that I want to do, and every once in a while make an effort to do, but never manage to work into my daily routine (ex. yoga, meditation, exercise, washing my face, flossing etc.) It's part of the healthy lifestyle that I envision for myself - one where I write often and fluently, where I am quick-witted and critical, where I have a foundation of solid, well-articulated beliefs.

Somehow, I lost all of these ambitions between motivation and execution. I feel like this happens a lot in regards to my ever elusive healthy lifestyle. Part of it is that I like clean starts - usually this means delaying any change to my daily pattern until I move someplace new and have to change my whole routine anyway. In the process, I forget/lose motivation for all of those little things I was going to do.

I depend a lot on routines. I always feel vaguely uncomfortable in a new place/situation for about a week, until I can develop a routine about it. That's part of why I'm so terrible at being spontaneous - I like to know a little ahead of time so I can adjust my mental routine around it. I'm a lot like my dad that way.

It's also part of why I like boats. Boats always have a routine. It's easy to fall into, from the first day on board. It makes them feel comfortable.

A Feminist Defense of Pornography

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Contraria sunt complementa

I really like Asian philosophy - the mysticism, the underlying unity of the universe, the henotheism (of Hinduism at least), the spiritual path, the pursuit of harmony. It all just sits well with me. In fact, I know I'm not the only one who feels that way - so I decided to read The Tao of Physics: An Exploration of the Parallels between Modern Physics and Eastern Mysticism by Fritjof Capra. Since I'm currently taking an Asian Philosophy course at UMBC, I felt that it would be a nice complement (and since I'm not reading the textbook, I might as well read something).

The first thing I noticed was that the book was categorized in the Physics section as opposed to the Philosophy section as I had expected. After a rough overview of quantum theory, relativity theory, and the major eastern philosophical traditions (Hinduism, Buddhism, Chinese Thought, Taoism, Zen), each chapter breaks down a different concept: the unity of all things, opposites as complements, space/time, emptiness, cosmic dance etc. (I skimmed the last couple chapters, I was starting to get overloaded). Much of the book involves taking a quote from Heisenberg/Bohr/random physicist and laying it side-by-side with a quote from an Asian philosopher to "prove" the connections.

In the end, it's strikingly persuasive. I didn't actually know anything about quantum theory when I started this book and now I know all sorts of interesting things like what makes up nucleons and a better idea of how the Heisenberg uncertainty principle works. It reminds me of how I took an existentialism class at CTY the year before I first took physics. I was immediately struck by how similar the aims of science and philosophy are - both seek to explain the universe and give meaning to our existence - differing from religion in that they use arguments and evidence to back up their claims, rather than faith-based assumptions. As my professor described it:

"Imagine looking for a black cat in a dark room. Now imagine that the cat is not actually there. The philosopher will keep looking for the black cat while the priest will claim to have found it."

Rather than summarize the most thought-provoking passages, I've included excerpts below:

"The illusion merely lies in our point of view, if we think that the shapes and structures, things and events, around us are realities of nature, instead of realizing that they are concepts of our measuring and categorizing minds." (88)

"Everything flows" - Heraclitus

"The most important characteristic of the Eastern world view - one could almost say the essence of it - is the awareness of the unity and mutual interrelation of all things and events, the experience of all phenomenon in the world as manifestations of a basic oneness. All things are seen as interdependent and inseparable parts of this cosmic whole; as different manifestations of the same ultimate reality." (130)

"Modern physics has confirmed most dramatically one of the basic ideas of Eastern mysticism; that all the concepts we use to describe nature are limited, that they are not features of reality, as we tend to believe, but creations of the mind; parts of the map, not of the territory. Whenever we expand the realm of our experience, the limitations of our rational mind become apparent and we have to modify, or even abandon, some of our concepts." (161)

"Contraria sunt complementa" [Translated: Opposites are Complements] - Bohr coat of arms

Right to Choose

I think it's really important to make a special effort to encourage women to enter engineering. Not because women need a "step up" (the affirmative action logic) and not because it's important to have diversity (although it is) - but because women deserve to have a choice about the matter.

For me, being a feminist means being conscious of the implications of gender. I didn't have trouble deciding to become an engineer. I was lucky enough to have two parents with engineering degrees, a mother who often told me that an engineering degree is the best degree to have, and a close bond with the science department at my high school. I even had the opportunity (well insisted on having the opportunity) to participate in a pilot hands-on Women in Science and Engineering program that my high school started my senior year. So it's hardly a surprise that I'm here studying engineering today.

However, for hundreds of other women, deciding to study engineering is a much bigger deal. There's a lot of implicit socialization out there silently convincing women to not become engineers before they even have the chance to consider it. Just as an example, there are tons of girls out there who are talented in every subject who have no idea what they want to do with their lives - why don't they all study engineering? After all, an engineering degree is arguably one of the most versatile degrees out there. Instead they're advised to become a doctor, lawyer, scientist - all noble professions, but is engineer on the list? I guess it depends on the advisor. We need to make sure that engineer is on that list.

Then once they do decide to become engineers, the battle continues. When you feel like you don't belong in a profession, it's so easy to drown yourself in negative self-talk. Maybe you have a bad day and bomb a test, what's your first thought? Oh man, I bombed that test because I had a bad day? Nope. It's - God, I don't belong here. That's why women drop out - it's not because they're not smart enough.

Essay in a Can

In a posting fenzy (otherwise known as an attempt to revitalize this blog), I've uploaded all of my college application essays. I like my UMBC essays the best because they weren't a variation of the same essay I used for every other school.

UMBC Application Essays

"The arts are a necessity, like food and water, for true civilization." (200-350 Words)

When Mrs. McElderry, my art teacher, told me that we would be spending four hours in the Uffizi, a legendary art gallery in Florence, Italy on our school trip, I thought it was far too much time. I was sure that in four hours I would have time to see the whole museum, carefully peruse the entire gift shop before buying a souvenir, and sit idly for at least an hour. But since I had no choice in the matter, I did not even bother to complain.

I entered through a large doorway, not quite realizing how far the building extended, and began breezing through rooms. I walked through a hallway lined with busts of famous historical figures from Sappho to Napolean Bonaparte. I paused in rooms where Aphrodite gazed outward and sighed. I stared at paintings so renowned that the mere fact I was in the same room sent shivers up my spine. After four hours, I could have been officially declared dead. My head had been filled with so many beautiful and startling images that I could barely function.

As I gaped at the building that now loomed impossibly tall, I thought to myself that the world would be a dull and unstimulating place without the Uffizi, without artists like Michelangelo and Giotto, without paintings like Botticelli’s “The Birth of Venus”. Art gives civilization meaning just as food gives a stomach meaning. At that moment, I was filled with so much hope and so much pride in what mere human beings had been able to accomplish that anything seemed possible.

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“It has been said that ambiguity pervades the human condition. Illustrate this sentiment by discussing a book you have read . . .” (600 Words)

Imagine that you are stranded on a lifeboat and your only companions are an orangutan, a wounded zebra, a hyena and a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker. Imagine that you stumble onto an island comprised solely of carnivorous vegetation on which there is no life save a population of meerkats. And later in the middle of the Pacific Ocean when you are blind, thirsty, and starving you find another man drifting with the tides who, in desperation, tries to eat you. Is this difficult to envision? Would it be easier if I said that your companions were your mother, a Chinese sailor with a broken leg, and a cannibalistic cook? If instead of seeing the wonders of God’s creation, you saw your only companions murder each other one by one until you were the only one left alive?

This is the journey on which Yann Martel takes you in Life of Pi. The tale starts out simply enough with the boast that “this is a story that will make you believe in God”. In fact, it starts out with a young boy who has such strong faith in God that he is a devoted Christian, Muslim, and Hindu, much to the dismay of his religious mentors. He looks at Christ’s suffering and sees God’s humanity. He bows in Muslim prayer and feels an instant, irreversible connection with the earth and everything inhabiting it. He understands the universe through Hindu eyes, the finite within the infinite. He looks at the world as a marvel, as something to be appreciated and loved, even when adrift in the middle of the ocean. Pi’s story is full of hope and suffering, fear and jubilation, instinct and rationale.

Yet at the very moment that Pi convinces you of the existence of God, he gives you reason to doubt. He retells his story with humans instead of animals, and this time there is no hope, no jubilation, only pain and suffering. And without pausing he asks you, which story do you like better?

In this way, Life of Pi reads much more like a religious text than an ordinary novel. Pi is the prophet and these are his parables. His miracle is his survival; his compassion is evidenced by his care of Richard Parker. He too went into the wilderness and was tempted by the devil. Yet it is the smaller phenomena that drive the message home, the lightening that strikes three feet to the left, the dolphins that dance on either side of the lifeboat, the ever-changing beauty of the sky. He cannot make you believe in God; and he does not want to, he only wishes to present you with that choice. There is nothing ambiguous in the search for God, and yet there is nothing unambiguous about what you find.

As Martel explains in the Author’s Note, “That’s what fiction is about, isn’t it, the selective transforming of reality? The twisting of it to bring out its essence?” In the end, it does not matter which story is true, it only matters which one you choose to believe. Life of Pi starts out as a story about the test of one boy’s faith and ends as a test for you, the reader. You can live in a world where there is no life after death, where people kill each other without pain of punishment, and where there is no greater purpose than survival. Or you can choose not to. It does not matter whether there is a God or not; it only matters what you choose to believe, and whether that belief nourishes you.

Olin Application Essay

The core value of "quality and continuous improvement" is integral to the Olin Community. How do you see yourself contributing to the betterment of the College in this area? What special qualities would you bring to the Olin Community? (Please keep your thoughts to no more than 500 words.)

The panic first begins to set in as I stare at our topographical map: the trail is unmarked and we need to cross a mountain. By lunch, I am close to tears. It is the tenth day of my Outward Bound backpacking trip and I am the navigator. In that moment, I realize the limit of what I can accomplish alone. I ask the counselors for help and they give me a set of directions to the effect of turn right at the train tracks and left at the pile of garbage. My group and I take turns reading the map and consult each other before taking shortcuts. Together, we finally stumble onto our campsite as the sun lowers over the horizon. We have to set up camp in the dark.

That trip was more than a series of close calls and exhausting labor. It was about finding out what I was capable of and using that drive to do more. I had thought I was incapable of navigation, but I just needed help. No matter how impossible my task seemed, I knew that all I needed was to figure out how to make it possible. A similar state of mind is required for Olin College’s goal of quality and continuous improvement. No matter how much work has been done, no matter how many miles have been walked, there will always be more.

Likewise, research is never finished. This year, I am participating in the new Women in Science and Engineering (WISE) program in which I work with Hopkins professors to immerse myself in the academic world of science and engineering. I was so excited to get involved in research that I was shocked when I discovered the reality of it. I had thought that science was full of glamour and discovery, not experiments that fizzle out and equipment that does not work. However, I soon realized that challenges are more interesting to tackle than easy questions. From this experience, I took away the knowledge that research, like hiking, is about pushing. Whether I am pushing myself or what the rest of the world thinks is possible, I am making progress.

Olin’s objective of reinventing engineering education requires students who are willing to look beyond themselves to the larger world; I am capable of that. To the Olin community, I will bring energy and stamina, the flexibility to change my mind about the world around me, and the willingness to keep trying even in the face of adversity. In order to maintain a quality institution, Olin College needs to remain full of individuals who are willing to change and take risks. From my experiences with Outward Bound and WISE, it is clear that I am more than willing to jump in the deep end. I have all of the skills necessary to aid Olin College in its mission of quality and continuous improvement, I only need the opportunity.

Common App Essay

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (250-500 words)

The hardest two-weeks of my life were spent in the backwoods of Western Maryland with ten other teenagers. It was the summer after my sophomore year and I had received a scholarship to go backpacking with Outward Bound. Initially, I was drawn to the concept of pushing myself beyond what I thought I was capable of doing. I did not know exactly what that would mean for me, but I was eager to find out.

I had expected challenges like conquering my fear of heights or hiking more than I had ever hiked in my whole life, but it was the unexpected obstacles that were the hardest. On the tenth day, I was navigator. The panic first began to set in as I stared at our topographical map: the trail was unmarked and we needed to cross a mountain. It was impossible. By lunch, I was close to tears. The more I looked at the map, the more helpless I felt. I had never felt so completely inadequate in my whole life. In that moment, I realized the limit of what I could accomplish alone.

I asked the counselors for help and they gave me a set of directions to the effect of turn right at the train tracks and left at the pile of garbage. My group and I took turns reading the map and consulted each other before taking shortcuts. Grateful, I smiled. All of a sudden, reaching the campsite seemed less impossible. Together, we finally stumbled onto our campsite as the sun lowered over the horizon. We had to set up camp in the dark.

That trip was more than a series of close calls and exhausting labor. It was about finding out what I was capable of and using that drive to do more. I had thought I was incapable of navigation, but I just needed help. When my task seemed impossible, I broke it apart and figured out a way to make it possible. I learned that fear does not move mountains, but teamwork does. Sometimes I wonder if I would have been able to navigate without any help and I realize that of course I would have. It just would have taken a lot longer. Part of growing up is realizing that a team is far more effective than one person. In that case, I grew up a lot that day.

WISE Application Essay

When I was in elementary school, I entered the school science fair. My experiment tested the effect of different liquids on plants including Windex, Coke, and Orange Juice. At the time, I was amazed to discover that the plant watered with Windex grew taller and brighter than the plant nourished with water. This surprise exemplifies the reason I find science fascinating. No matter how much someone may think they know about how the world works, it could always turn out to be a little bit different.

I remember having that same feeling in ninth grade when I took biology. When we first began learning about photosynthesis, I was completely shocked that it was such a complicated process. Biology opened my eyes to how miraculous and intricate the natural world is; it proved to me that everything is not quite as it appears. I never could run a mile the same way again. Now when I run, I cannot help but think about my heart pumping blood into my veins as I breathe deeply, the lactic acid building up on my muscles as I push harder and harder. I love understanding why something happens; it makes it so much easier to appreciate.

The next year, I took chemistry and I liked it even better. I have always enjoyed math and the synthesis of the two was incredibly appealing. I liked watching chemicals react, creating gases and solids, changing color and temperature. But I liked knowing why that happened even more. I would watch a solution start to fizz and imagine the atoms dancing and switching partners. It was so strange to talk about the actions of matter that we could not even see. To make up for it, I imagined whole lives for my little atom friends. When I was studying, I would make-up interpretive dances about ionic and covalent bonds that, I have to admit, were more theatrical than scientifically accurate. While the raw numbers and innumerably laws of chemistry may not have seemed exciting, in my mind they were the biggest soap opera of all.

However, my favorite science class so far has to be physics. As Mr. Lawler often says, “we have to rise above Aristotelian thinking to Newton’s”. Physics has definitely blown away my previous assumptions about how the world works. Ever since I took an existentialism class one summer, I have been interested in philosophy and its goal to try to explain the universe. Until I began learning about physics, I had never found those answers anywhere else. Now, I can hardly separate the two in my mind. Only in physics have I sat down and thought about the mechanics of force and then built a bridge to physically explore my understanding. That application of the abstract idea reminds me of Kierkegaard, considered one of the first existentialists, and his theory that it is not enough to talk about philosophy; it is a way of life. For me, science is a way of life. It is a way of looking at the world and perceiving the way it interacts. For me, life and science are inseparable.